Sweetly Broken.

Those are my feelings right now! I am one of those people that is always in a rush to do everything! Especially when I know how I want it to turn out. Before I dated anyone, I wasn’t in a rush to do anything… have a boyfriend, kiss anyone, get married… But now that I know I have the means to do all of those things, I am SO impatient. Here I am, and I have a great guy that is so sweet and caring, and all I can think about is when is he gonna talk to me about our relationship, when is he gonna kiss me, blah blah blah. I hate it! But  other than that, I really like him. He is the first guy that actually wants to know more about me because he want’s to know how we relate (or do not relate). We have many things in common and had a few very intense conversations about our lives and things we have been through. I was so looking forward to talking to him tonight but he never messaged me. I just said “he’s busy! that’s cool!” so I started cooking… GUESS WHO MESSAGED ME and my stupid phone didn’t give me a message for it!!! So mad. And now it is too late and he is asleep :( wahhh Life.

Oh my word where do I begin. I know that it just ended yesterday, but sadly it feels so far away. Kind of like it never even happened because I can’t wrap my mind around the fact that it is actually over. Like, for real. This year was filled with so many laughs and memories that I truly will never forget. It had its ups and downs, but at the end of the day I knew that it would all be worth it in the end. We survived it together. All of the hard work and dedication that was put in as a team truly made this THE BEST Dance Theatre that I have been in. That is why is was so hard at the end of the show. This is also my least favorite time of the year because I become aware of my regrets… not meeting certain people until the last minute, not reaching out to those who I see have amazing potential, etc. The list goes on. But one thing I am thankful for is how much DT as a whole has shaped my life. I learned things that not only apply to the Arts, but life as well. You aren’t always going to choose what costume you get, what you dance, who you dance with, or how often you are on stage. What you can choose is how you flaunt that costume, how you work the moves that are given to you, and for that wittle moment of time you get to see the audience, you show them why you dance. I dance when everything is going wrong and I honestly don’t think I can go any further. In the sad times, the happy times, and the crazy times, there is always a reason to dance. A day I don’t dance is a day I don’t breathe. I am sitting in my room eating Ramen noodles wondering where the time has gone, and crying endlessly over the DT page. But then I stopped to think about how amazing next year is going to be… Seeing all of my friends back on the stage, the amazing talent and heart a new cast will put into a new show… it made me feel better, so I got up and danced! And then my neighbor actually FIXED MY CAR! The transmission did not blow… it was just running low on trans. fluid!!! Praise God. But do you want to know what saved my car? A DT poster… he used it to make a funnel. It was the only thing in my car that would work. It saves lives and makes people happy. DT was my life and now that it is gone I have to rely on myself to find motivation to strive to be the dancer that I want to be. To never give up and to never let anyone tell me that I am not good enough. All of those years being down on myself, the years of standing in the back… they paid off. This year was everything I could have dreamed for and it is depressing that it is over but life moves on. It kinda feels like a really bad breakup…. the heart will eventually heal. <3